The Smiling Assassin – Starring Jeremy Corbyn, Prime Minister

‘The Smiling Assassin’ 

A short fan-fiction story starring Jeremy Corbyn, Prime Minister

The Prime Minister, Jeremy Corbyn was stood behind the thick black door, flanked by armed security. He was in his best clothing, unworn until this day, from the smouldering Italian cut black suit to the shiniest black Faux-leather designer shoes, he wore a sharp-to-the-touch white shirt, the only thing missing was a tie. This was going to be one ground breaking moment and the lack of tie was a sign of his intent. 

The press were gathering in their hundreds outside and a line of riot police stood, steadfast, outside the gates of Downing Street facing off stiff protest from the ‘Monarchy Forever’ protesters. 

Corbyn knew this moment was always going to come. Still, he stood hard faced, determined, the only sign that this was a defining moment was a bead of sweat dripping slowly down the right side of his nose. His eyes starring at the peep hole through that thick black door, he could make out the vague shape of the press moving around outside vying for the best position. 

It was almost 6 years ago that he won the leadership race, and now a year after winning the general election he was prepared to deliver a shock to the public. His first real act that proves he will keep to his word. 

He recalled 6 years ago almost to the day he was ridiculed by the press for his policies and just prior to joining the Privy Council he was lambasted for agreeing to bow to the queen and kiss her hand. The official line was that he would make what sacrifices needed to be made to ensure the Party came first and not his own beliefs, but that only told a fraction of the story. Corbyn wasn’t letting on what he was really thinking. 

Just 2 months after the press had torn into Corbyn over his apparently hypocritical stance, the ceremony to join the privy council was upon him. The nation waited with anticipation to see if Corbyn would kiss the queens hand or reject her, risking Corbyn himself being left out of meetings containing vital information about top secret information. 

The following morning the headlines tore into Corbyn. He had kissed the hand of the Queen. With a smile so clear, his teeth Beamed across the red carpet. Only his lips were as red as that carpet. So delicate, so intricate,  so presice. Corbyn had kissed her hand with such grace you could see the puckered lips gently touching the queens delicate soft skin. Such hypocrisy did not go unpunished. They hated that smile. Why such as smile for a man who hates the queen?! 

The damnation of Corbyn though was for nothing as he tore through the competition and led a glorious charge to 2020, winning in spectacular fashion. His glory in 2020 is a whole book in itself. 

That though is just about where we come right back to now. 

The thick black door flew open and the slight breeze it caused made that bead of sweat on Corbyn’s nose fall faster and it was a refreshing breeze. The press cameras flashed like never before. The nation, waiting in anticipation. 

Corbyn looked around at the press and then took a sinister glance toward the gates where the crowd stood. “Keep our Monarchy” shouted the crowd. As a smaller crowd nearby chanted “Diaband the Royals now”. Everyone knew it was about the royals but would he Diaband the royal family or keep them. 

He looked back at the cameras and with great authority slammed a now larger ‘Red Box’ suitcase on top of the stand in front of him. He opened the large red suitcase in front of him, he paused briefly before swivelling it round to the waiting press and with a deep breath bellowed, 

“hypocrisy! hypocrisy!? There will never be hypocrisy in my government”

Sat in the box was Queen Elizabeth II, not all of her of course, but her head. 

Corbyn turned slightly towards the crowd and muttered with unnerving clarity and through gritted teeth;

“Off with her head

He turned back to the cameras and smiled that same beaming smile he gave the queen back at the ceremony for the privy council. 

The next day there were no headlines slamming Corbyn for his actions, no demands for him to resign. One headline read ‘Corbyn saves £8Billion’ another just simply read;

‘The smiling assassin’. 

Corbyn never did anything like that again. He led two successful terms of government and the papers never slandered him again. An air of truth prevailed for the first time ever but thanks to one press headline he will forever be known as the Smiling Assassin.



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